are cupcakes bad?

This week I wanted, really wanted to start my exercise regimen. It didn't happen. I'm not sure what my excuse is, when it was time to go to the gym I just didn't want to. Then I spent a very stressful day at court for a custody hearing for one of my students from last year. I was there all day long with no food or drink...not a pretty sight! Since I was downtown and starving, I stopped by this cute little cup cake bakery because I heard they were really good. (Of course they are!) So I proceeded to buy 4...German Sweet Chocolate, Spumoni, Lemon Dream, and Texas Milk Chocolate. No, I did not eat them all in one day...I spread it out and ate one per day for 4 days.

During the day, when I wasn't eating the cupcake I actually did pretty well with my food intake. I was at school all week and so I took my lunches and healthy snacks for the day. I was busy working and arranging my classroom. By the time I got home (around 4pm I was so craving that cupcake!). Tomorrow I'm planning on going to the gym once again. I'm not working at school tomorrow so I have nothing else going on. I need to take some time to acclimate myself to the gym I pay for each month, but haven't actually visited in several weeks.

Obesity, BMI, what does all this mean?

I went to a meeting about being too fat, ok it was really an informational meeting for lap band surgery and gastric bypass. It was interesting. I learned a lot. It scared me to see what my future holds if I don't take charge of my health. At this point I'm 'on the fence' teetering between a 40 and 41 BMI (Body Mass Index)...you have to have at least a 40 in order to be considered for either surgery. This is a score (if you will) that I don't want to meet. It says something about you, technically that you are obese. Really it says something in my life is out of control and I try to compensate by eating too much and moving too little...and bonus I get to carry around these extra pounds like the scarlet letter so everybody can see my issues.

According to the BMI charts, in order to be in 'normal weight range' ( I don't think I've ever been there, I was a 9 pound newborn only 18 inches long...fat is cute as an infant, not cute as an adult!) I'd need to weigh at the very most between 141-145 pounds...this depending on if I put that I'm 5'4" or 5'3". I'm really only 5'3" (height is not on my side, I'd love to add about 4-6 inches in my torso area), but sometimes I can stretch it out!! I can't imagine weighing only 145 pounds, it would take me into a dimension beyond reality. The least I've ever weighed is 150 pounds and I was 15 years old at the time. What are the chances I could ever see that again 18 years later?

I'll try not to be consumed by the numbers at this point in the weight loss game, but it's good to know what the destination is! Oh yeah, back to the meeting...I'm going to try to work this battle out on my own for now without the use of surgery. I haven't ruled that out in the future and have no judgements about people who do. Thankfully with my age (33) and my health issues (none) I don't think I'd qualify now.

Tennessee...a fat state

I love my state, I really do. Something about 4th grade...learning your state's history that endeared me to Tennessee forever. It's gorgeous in the fall, cool in the winter, so pretty in the spring, and warm in the summer. But I've recently learned one thing that is not so great about Tennessee...we're the third fattest state in the country. How can this be? Up unto this point I've done my share in contributing to this fact. I really hope to start turning that around.

Let's Get Started

I can't tell you how many times I've started this weight loss thing...start, fail, start, fail, start, fail. It's been my life story. For a quick recap you can go here. I'm disgusted with myself and I realize I have to change my habits. So this blog is dedicated to chronicling my story, my journey through fat camp. For now, I'm being realistic. I'm not joining anything, I'm not paying any money to do this. Believe me, I've paid enough in the past and gone to enough meetings in the past to know what to do. I could lead my own 'how to lose weight seminar'. It's not rocket science. You consume fewer calories and burn more...sounds simple? It. is. not.

I'm going to check in from time to time and use my blog here as a weekly weigh in, check in, accountability partner. Make (kind and encouraging) comments if you wish, but this is really just for me to keep track of my body. I've left this blog public for now in case anyone else out there may need some encouragement as well. I know I'm not the only one who struggles with weight, I hope we can conquer this together!