Saturday, January 24, 2009

another one bites the dust...

yes, it's true, i've completely blown it! i know some people check this site frequently to check on my progress or lack of and i just wanted to update to let everyone know that i've had a very difficult two weeks. i'm not sure what my problems is...besides emotional eating and general food addiction but suddenly when i was on the full blown diet with restrictions i kind of went crazy and couldn't get off limits foods out of my head. i really can't believe my self control over food is so limited. it's truly a lack of some kind of brain chemical, i'm sure. i'm a strong person, really i am...but this makes me feel so weak. part of me wants to use my living situation as an excuse, not that i'm looking for an excuse but i have no control over what my mom buys and eats. and i simply cannot walk by donuts, cookies, chocolate, bread, etc. on the kitchen counter and NOT have a bite. i feel very abnormal about the whole thing and most of all i feel like i blew $400+ on this diet i thought would work...very disappointing...in myself, not the diet.

why is saying 'no' to myself so hard? am i that selfish/spoiled/narrow minded that i can't think beyond eating ________. it's a very confusing and disturbing character trait or character flaw! Oh how I wish I could one day kick this FAT out of my life!

6 comments:

Kate said...

You are not alone! Don't think so much about feeling like you failed. Look at it like a speed bump and just take it one day at a time. I know exactly how you feel! All I think about is food. I have anxiety about fitting into my wedding dress in September yet I don't seem to be worried enough to stay away from foods that are off limits. You can do it. Just take it day by day.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time!! I went through the same thig with LA Weightloss and Weightwatchers. I thought if it plunked down all that money that I would stick to the program. I don't have any answers for you because I'm in the same boat. I have just been trying to exercise more than what I eat. So, if I eat a donut then I have to do more physical activity to get rid of the donut!

good luck, and don't be hard on yourself--that just makes you feel worse!

Lauren said...

I totally know what you're going through...weight loss can feel like a never-ending battle. I totally had a crappy week with it...but something I've been telling myself since I started, 'It doesn't matter how long it takes to do it, as long as it gets done. As long as the progress is made'. We will all have bad days, weeks, and even months. But that can't be the end, just a 'speed bump' (as was already said:). Just think, you are 3 lbs lighter right now than you would've been if you hadn't started. No matter what's happened in the last couple of weeks, you are still 3 lbs lighter than you would've been. And that's something! I'm only about 5 lighter right now I think, but it could be worse...I could be 5 heavier! It sucks, and it feels so hard, but we just have to keep going. Even if it takes 5 years, one day, we will succeed! And that's what matters...no the length of time, but that we one day do it! (and learn lots in the process!) I'm probably totally crossing a line, but I'm a huge fan of counselling...have you thought about talking to anyone about it all?
You are doing great, and being so honest with yourself, keep on going!!!

trinkka said...

Hi
Don't beat yourself up, forgive yourself,and Start over!!! keep your head up!
Hope you have a great week.
trinkka

Saylorsmom said...

Hi,

I found your blog through the Danielle that designed it. I live in TN too! McMinnville. Boring yes but oh well. I am trying to lose weight also and I feel your pain. It stinks. I love to eat. lol Just wanted to say hi and I will be peeking in on you from time to time. Good luck!

Chrissy said...

This is random and not about your post, sorry! I see that you adopted from China...could you email me at chrissyrenee79@yahoo.com? We are hoping to do that same, and I like to ask you a few questions. Thanks! :o)